The Birth Of Blue Steele

Last weekend, a reader asked me, “Why is your pen name Blue Steele?”  Fair enough question. So I figured I should share the answer with all of you, rather than just reply to his email.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. What started out like any other Friday morning, ended up being much more, and will forever hold a spot in my heart.

I had people over my house after an exciting Thursday night out, and awoke to what looked like a scene from Saw II. The light was tinkering, bodies lay far and wide, and I heard a slow drip coming from the sink in the bathroom. Considering I couldn't be late for work, I had to wake everyone up and straighten up the house. While I was cleaning the prior night's mess, I found someone’s Viagra on the living room floor. And that, my friends, is when it all started.

Being the curious George that I am, you can bet your ass that I was going to take it.  But when?

I knew there was no need to waste that beautiful blue diamond on someone I already hooked up with. I also knew that I couldn't waste it on a jerk-off session. The timing had to 'feel’ right.  So I put her in my drawer and hoped for the best.

I went out that night and was a little more aggressive than usual, knowing I had her waiting in my drawer. And the risk paid off! Before I knew it, I was back home with a nice little lady. She asked to use the bathroom, and that’s when I sneaked off and bit the shit out of the Viagra.

Now, I know a lot of these pills are placebos that just fuck with the head and have little effect on the penis. But not Viagra!  Before I got back into the living room I felt the difference. The second we started hooking up, it was on!  Literally, I felt like I was 11 years old and sneaking off with my mother’s Fredrick's Of Hollywood catalogue all over again.

Now before I proceed, let me get this out of the way: I have no problem getting it up. But throw a couple of drinks in me, fast forward the clock to 4:00 am, and hurl a tight condom on my dick, and I usually have the same issue every other male does — I’m hard, but not as hard as I was when I was 11. But not that night! That chick could have hung dry meats from my shit and it wouldn’t have bent an inch.

And the sex? It was insanely unbelievable.  Sweaty, freaky, dirty, rough — you name it, we did it.

Being that I’m 20-something bachelor, the majority of my sexual experiences are one and ... done, no matter how good a woman is in bed. Fuck. Who am I kidding? I'm one and done 99.9% of the time. That’s why I think it’s important to make a good first and last impression in the bedroom.

To quote a good friend of mine “I’ve probably had sex with about 50 girls, but only had sex, like, 55 times.”  If you can relate to what my friend said, or just find this quote as funny as I do, you might want to pop a Viagra once and awhile.  Not only do the little blue pills make for an amazing sexual experience, but they're also great first/last impression pills.  Why not make first-time sex memorable? Make a statement! Besides, women talk, and if you leave a good taste in their vagina, there's a possibility they'll spread the word for you.

So, now that you know how I got my name, do me a favor and spread the good word! I have a feeling Viagra is going to read this post and use Blue Steele to help spread the knowledge to young adults all over the country.

Help me, help you!

Don’t Leave Home Without ...

This evening I had the unfortunate pleasure of watching the New York Yankees get destroyed by the visiting Seattle mariners. To unwind, I went out with my boys in the Lower East. Nothing crazy, just a Wednesday Tuesday night out. However, the nights that I don't expect much to happen are usually the nights that turn into the biggest shit-shows.

Today's lesson is quick and easy, keep yourself groomed to impress at all times! Why you ask? Simple, you never know when a nice piece of ass is going to fall right into your lap, and if you're anything like me, 9 out of 10 times you don't know that you're having sex until about 45 min beforehand.  And you can sure as hell believe that's what happened last night.

The night was dwindling to an end, a cool breeze cleared the streets, but my posse and I were still up to no good. We were looking for trouble, and we found it in the form of  three Australian cuties visiting New York for the week. Considering the night was ending there were two options: eat pizza or smoke weed and then eat pizza. The choice was simple. But after sparking that joint, the last thing on my mind was food. Literally, it was the last thing. What was the first thing on my mind, you ask? Booty! I don’t know about you, but when I smoke, I become the horniest person alive. I mean, no joke I can spend about 20 minutes licking your earlobe without even knowing it.

Anyway, I snuck one of them away from her crew and pulled the ol' 'let me show you my room' trick. And it worked. But I gotta tell you, that was the second time in two weeks a girl I brought home gave me the “I’m not prepared down there” speech. And, for the record, both times there was nothing wrong  at all. Seriously,  a little peach fuzz doesn't even cause me to blink!

But I know where she was coming from. I mean, the little things in life are what make us feel sexy, right?

That’s why, as hung over as I was today, I still got up and Nair'd my ass. Look, it's a Tuesday night, and I'll probably go out for a couple of drinks after work. And I know that when I have a smooth asshole I feel sexy.

Don't you?

So quick reminder, don't get caught unprepared. Get on a schedule that, no matter what, you don’t break, because life has a way of throwing unexpected obstacles at you and you never know when you or some Aussie you meet will want to take a trip "down under."