The Accidental Cock Block

We've all been there — either on the giving or receiving end of a cock block. Well, last night my ass was on the receiving end!

Once again my night started off with little expectation, and plenty of stimulation. I had a rough day at the office and figured that a couple of drinks would ease the pain.

Don't they always?

So, I rounded up the crew and got ready to rock. Considering that it was a Wednesday night, the plan was to hit up a few regular bars in midtown with the hope of running into other people who'd had shitty days and were also looking to 'ease the pain.' The bars were packed. And, to my surprise, one of my boys brought two girls from Texas that he'd met on the subway.

I don't have a preference in women; truthfully, I always find something I enjoy about every woman. That doesn't mean I lower my standards, it means I have a broad view. But, be that as it may, I'm a sucker for a Lone-Star cutie!

To create a visual for you, my girl was like a mixture of Mandy Moore and Mandy Moore!

Now, she wasn’t my girl from the start. There were other guys there, and I live by the words “All is fair in love and war.” However, I planted seeds throughout the night — a hand on her lower back here, an eye fuck there — subtle yet important seeds. You see, the key to winning the first time meet-up is playing your cards right. Don’t be over the top, or you'll come off as desperate or obnoxious. But you can't be a mute either. Let her know you're there and you're interested, but don't let her think you need her. This will create query in her mind, and women love a good conquests as much as men do.

Anyway, as the night came to an end, I see my boy and his girl going at it. (I’m not one for public affection, but I can admire a good communal make-out session as much as the next guy.) That's when my girl asked me if I wanted to get out of there. And that, you see, was the moment of truth! She was about to tell me one of two things with her eyes— "You don’t have a chance in hell” or “This shit's on when we get back.”

I looked at her, received the smile, and I knew it was on! But as hard as we tried — trust me, my boy and I tried hard to get them to come home with us — they were set on taking us back to their hotel. So, considering I just wrote 9 Steps To A Good Away Game, I figured, what the hell.

As we exited the elevator, I got a very pleasant surprise. They were staying in separate rooms! Easy, right?

Wrong.

I don’t know exactly what the hell happened in my boy’s room, but let me tell you what happened in mine. We walked in the room, my girl shut the door, and then she pulled the whole let-me-use- bathroom line. But she left the door open, just enough so I could watch her undress and get an idea of what I was about to work with. I got the Idea! It was on! So she came out of the bathroom, walked slowly toward the bed, and then ... BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM on the door.

I jumped up. "What the fuck?” I thought. And, considering it sounded like her friend was getting murdered in the hall, she of course answered the door.

I don’t know what type of move my buddy tried in the next room, but I do know this: it didn’t work!

This story, my friends, is a sad one. It lacks the fairy-tale ending you probably hoped for. No Notebook ending here, just hard-core truth! His girl eventually calmed down and came back to planet Earth. We all left on good terms, and I think my buddy's girl actually took his number. But I was left with an empty feeling in my stomach (definitely not in my cock; that was plenty full). My boy and his girl had completely, yet accidentally, cock blocked the shit out of me!

The accidental cock block happens all the time, and there is nothing you can do about it except take one thing from it. And that one thing is this: You would have gotten some ass if it wasn't for that block. So you, my friend, fought half the battle and won! So as horny as I am today, I’m standing tall and walking around as if I got laid last night, just because!