Sober Sex? What's That?

The other morning, a girlfriend of mine asked me a question while we were lying in my bed together: "When was the last time you had sex sober?"
To be honest, it took me a while to answer; I had to seriously think about it because I don't often have sober sex. But I eventually said, "Six weeks ago."
So, why was I sober? That's easy to remember ...
The sun had set, the air was moist and I was ready to cause trouble. I'd just finished work when I received a call from a girlfriend of mine who said she was at a bar only a few blocks from my apartment. "Come join me," she said.
When I arrived at the bar a little while later, I was surprised to discover that she wasn't alone. A petite, healthy-breasted and even healthier-assed girl sat across from her.
I walked over, said hello, and ordered a beer.
Immediately after the introductions, the spotlight of interrogation was on me. They asked me all types of questions — shit my ass wasn't prepared for! And before I knew it, before I even put a dent in my beer, the conversation got sexual.
"Have you ever been with two girls?" one of them asked.
"What did you do?" asked the other.
Typical Tuesday night small talk? Bullshit! I was stone sober and probably red as shit by that point. I felt totally put on the spot, especially when I realized what was coming next: "So, how'd you like to take us both home?" my friend asked.
Being that I put on a show that Ron Jeremy would have been proud of with my lady friend a few weeks prior, I was able to put two and two together. I figured that she told her girlfriend about her adventure with me and now the friend wanted some of the goods!
Since the only thing on my schedule that night was finding a joint and watching some late night "Family Guy," I had no reason to say no. "Why the fuck not?" I said as I pounded what was left in my mug. "Let’s go.”  And they got right the fuck up and followed me home.
I only live a few blocks from this bar but the walk to my apartment felt like it took forever. I mean, being sober and having the time to think about a pending threesome is not a good thing.  But, fuck, at this point there was no stopping me.
Once we got to the apartment, I headed straight for the liquor cabinet, since I insisted that no one stop for booze on our way over. And I quickly discovered it was empty.
FUCK!
Not only had my roommate and his friends finished the last of weed the night before, but they also drank everything in the house. So, there we were, the three of us, on my couch, bone sober, weed-less, and with one common denominator: We were all horny as shit!
I had no choice but to just dive in. So I started with kiss on a neck here, a soft touch of a back there; you know, the usually foreplay. And things quickly started to heat up after that! But then, outta nowhere, the new girl threw me a wicked curve ball and got major-league weird! I mean, I caught some seriously deep eye contact with her when we were going at it, and that shit was just ... painful!
Now, if you haven’t had a threesome before, you need to believe me when I tell you that it's some pretty intense shit.  And for that reason there should be a rule that booze or weed is a necessity when playing in what could be the Bermuda Triangle of sex. All it takes is one wrong move during foreplay and you could end up disappearing!
Anyway, we kept going. Within a few minutes I’d stripped down to my birthday suit and the two girls were in booty shorts and some other sexy crap, and  ...
Wait.  Hold on. Sorry for the interruption, but I just have to say that, in my eyes, booty shorts are way sexier then the thong. The thong has met its day, ladies.  I’m sure it will come back, but for right now booty shorts are the way to go.
Back to the mission...
Right when I'm about to go in for the kill, so to speak, the new girl stops me and says, “I just want to watch.” At first I was, like, “WHOA! WHAT?”  But than I thought, “Your loss, baby!”  So I started laying the pipe to my friend instead, while her friend watched ... for free! I will say this much, though — she was quite encouraging for the remainder of the night. She threw in the occasional, “Yeah, how’s that shit feel,” and, my favorite of the night, “Oh, no she didn’t” (to which I quickly responded, “Oh, yes she did!”)
At the end of the night, I walked the ladies out, and then took a shower. While I was dumping all types of crazy shit on my body to wash away the aftermath of hot, dirty sex I couldn't help but think, sober sex is just weird!
Don't agree? Feel free to argue with me by commenting below, but I think that most single guys and girls my age don't have much sober sex. The only people having sex sober on a regular basis are people with significant others.
Long live drunken sex!